march'14

30mar14
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29mar14
today it 17 day after surgery. i still can't: carry heavy things, sleep on my right side, laugh, cough or sneeze because my belly hurts :/
and i still have bruises after injections and around wounds...

today is also 9 day after someone important told me that his plans changed and he don't want to talk with me anymore.
i regret that i gave him a second chance.
that day i threw my heart. because it will be easier not fall in love.

and today is probably the last saturday when i can peacefully DRRRAW!

28mar14
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23mar14
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22mar14
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21mar14
it's first spring day.
nurse took my stitches.
yesterday i threw away my heart 'cause of one whipster.
he made me feel like a thing. not needed anymore.

18mar14
i have painful surgery complications
today i spent more than 3 hours in hospital. the worst part were when surgeon had to cut inside in my barely healed wound... without anesthesia.
for a consolation he told me a joke

and when it was after other research when i could go to main hall... when i saw my worried mum i just started cry. i didn't know why
maybe i just have enough of this hospitals, painkillers, blood, needles and pain...
i know, i don't have a cancer or something worse. but everyone told me earlier that it's simple surgery, that quickly i'll return to a normal life...
and now i don't see that normal life.
only more pills that don't work... taking help for family - because i can't do this or that... and i can't paint... or see my friend...
and pain, pain, pain! in almost every move.
this fucking surgery make me at the same time angry, sad and helpless.

16mar14
my cat is so cute!
from yesterday she guarding me, is with me and walking with me. when i have cough attack (it's so painful) or i just only little moaned of pain she watching me carefully.

15mar14
today i returned from hospital. i had the surgery. doctors cut out my gallbladder...

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14mar14
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11mar14
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8mar14
i don't have appetite for life.
i'm ruining everything except myself.
but it's only for while. i'm going to destruct myself too.   it will be easy because i'm already broken.

see ya in hell.

ps. happy women's day!

5mar14
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4mar14
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3mar14
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